Vermin
by manyissues101
Summary: Destiny's trio versus a little pest...Kairi's worst fear, mundane uses for keyblades, and the name Mongo. 4:30 AM--what else can you expect from me? Based on a true, currently occuring, story from the past few hours of my life.


It wasn't as if Kairi was particularly wimpy (see: age seven, Kairi falls off the bridge, breaks her arm, and manages to give Tidus a good kick in the shin for laughing). She'd been kidnapped, heart-robbed, fought with a keyblade, and seen the people she loved in various states of disastrous disasters. Once, she cupped a spider for Tidus, who claimed that it was poisonous and hairy and mutant when, really, it was barely visible. So it wasn't like she was the cliché kind of girl afraid of creepy crawlies—but there was something about a cockroach that was just humanly _wrong_.

These mutantly hideous creatures were going to have to go without description—the idea made her skin crawl. Let's just say that when Kairi spotted one on her bedside table, antennas wriggling, she jumped out of her skin, a muffled scream bubbling to her lips. She took a quick glance around to find something to whack the life force out of it with, but, alas, her current range of arm severely prohibited her plans for the bug's death.

As thinking about it, and calling it a bug, gives the author that feeling that things are crawling on you, it will now be given a name, just for the sake of 'I don't want to scare the crap out of myself and OD on my pain pills.'

Mongo. It will be referred to as Mongo.

Now, back to the story at hand.

With a lack of stabbing, maiming, or swatting objects available, Kairi did what anyone in her position (with the correct abilities, of course) would do. She summoned her keyblade.

And thus, Mongo's life was on the line.

She swung and he scattered, onto the wooden floor and searching for a safe haven. But Kairi knew the room better than Mongo did, and so she continued to whack in his general direction until he made a beeline under the nearest piece of furniture.

HeHerHerHer bed. The thing on which she was currently (or had been lounging, lazily, wishing to get a little rest) poised for battle. Her deadly blade was ready, and the adrenaline was beginning to pump. But she couldn't very well get off of the bed to look for Mongo, nor could she get him from atop the bed. She was at a bit of an impasse.

Briefly, she considered how silly it all really was. She was a Princess of Heart, a Keybearer, and she was getting worked up all over a little bug? Why did shrieks (she'd never shrieked another time in her life, damnit!) escape out her mouth at the sight of little Mongo? Why was his presence (but not that of a dark creature trying to eat her soul) enough to send her heartbeat into overdrive?

Kairi considered all of this a moment before remembering that Mongo crawled beneath her, and could at anytime make a reappearance on her wall. Or her bed.

Oh good lord, there would be no sleeping tonight.

A shudder wracked her body as she began to consider all of her options. She had to get him before he got her. If only he wasn't out of reach…

Of course, there was _one_ option open to her, one that her brain immediately favored. That's how Sora and Riku showed up at her door, summoned by the phone on her desk (she'd used her keyblade to hook the wire and drag it to her—yes, she was aware how pathetic she really was), to end the life of our not-so-dear friend Mongo.

They'd practically busted down her bedroom door, having heard (their being together at the time of the phone call had greatly increased Kairi's hope in all things good) only gasps of, "You have to come get it before it gets me!"

Riku had heard the plea from next to Sora's ear and roughly yanked the phone away. "What, Kairi?" His mind jumped to heartless, or nobodies, or something equally life-threatening.

"Mongo!"

A shriek filtered through the receiver and the crash of a phone being used as a projectile weapon. "Kairi? Kairi! Kairi?"

When she didn't answer, the duo sprinted to her house, only barely bothering to unlock the door with the key under the mat, remembering last time Sora had broken the Mayor's door (but that was a different story for a different day). They flung her door open, keyblades out and ready, eyes instantly on Kairi, curled in the middle of her bed, blade beside her, eyes darting from the walls to the floor to the blankets, and her phone half under the bed on the floor.

"Where is it Kairi?" Sora demanded, as Riku did the same, save his question's substituting 'where?' for 'what?'.

"He went back under the bed," she muttered into her knees, looking a blustered mix of ashamed and scared. "…Mongo…a roach."

Sora was instantly on the hunt; Riku hung back for barely a second, debating on whether or not to a) reprimand her for being so vague, b) give her a comforting hug/speech/glance c) laugh so hard his sides split. Of course, he settled on the most logical response:

"Mongo?"

"They word cockroach gives me chills, okay!"

He stepped over Sora (who was, all the while, sprawled on the ground, half shoved under Kairi's bed, looking for a cockroach) and gave her hair a tousle, amused beyond words, his smirk portraying all.

"Don't say a word, Riku," she threatened, quite well for someone who'd called her best friends to come slay the bug under her bed. After naming it to reduce the 'ick factor.'

"I found him!" Sora announced, half-muffled by the mattress between them. Kairi let out an unconscious eep.

The sound of a shuffle, and a few smacks were heard from beneath her. Who knew what Sora was using to fell the beast, but Kairi could honestly care less. Maybe one of his oversized shoes? When the noises ceased, Kairi asked:

"Did you get it?"

"Um…not exactly…"

Kairi could see, as if her mattress had been suddenly made of glass, him scratching his head. It was that kind of tone.

"Well where is he?"

"He…kind of ran away."

She would never, ever, ever, never in a million years later, admit to tearing up a little bit at his words.

"How hard is it to kill a _bug_, Sora, geez?" Riku nudged his friends torso, as Sora was currently removing himself from the floor.

"Hey, Mongo is _fast_, okay?"

Riku sighed that slow, exasperated sigh of his that said, 'I can't believe I'm surround by your incompetence, now let me show you how it's done.' "I'll kill him then."

"Be my guest." Sora took a seat on Kairi's bed. "So…why do you have your keyblade out, Kai?"

She pouted a bit, looking up from her knees. "I don't wanna talk about it." To avoid further elaboration on the subject, she watched Riku look around her room for Mongo, preparing for the most epic battle he'd had in months. Sparring with your friend was nothing compared to going up against an actual creature.

Of course, thinking of Mongo in such terms would later make him question his sanity, but that's not the point at hand.

When the little nuisance was finally found, Riku took one of Sora's shoes (much to the brunette's dismay) and began pelting the wall with it. Kairi looked away and plugged her ears, afraid of what Mongo's death throes might have in store for her senses. But she did hear Riku's, "Oh shit!" and let her head snap up.

Mongo had disappeared into the baseboard. They'd never get him now. Silently, Riku returned Sora's shoe and sat down on Kairi's other side, resting a hand on her back.

"Sorry, Kairi," Sora apologized. She sighed.

"I'm sorry, guys. This was really, really stupid."

"Don't worry about it, Kairi. Everyone is scared of something," Sora assured her.

"You're pretty tough, Kai; much tougher than anyone we know. So you're scared of a bug? Who cares," Riku tried to comfort her. She stretched her legs out and sat up straight.

"Thanks, Riku, Sora. I just…thanks."

Riku gave her one of his rare, genuine smiles, and Sora gave her a half-hug. "Besides, roa—I mean, Mongos, only live for a day or two right? You can stay with one of us until then."

"Actually…they live for about a year," Riku confessed quietly, still unsure whether disclosing such information was wise.

"A-a year?" Kairi stammered, her fear seeping into her words. Riku gently patted her back.

"Don't worry. Our parents won't mind."

Kairi gave a giant hug to both of them, not so much because they'd come to her (albeit botched) rescue, or because they were so understand and accepting, but because maybe, when they were old and graying and still best friends, they'd tease her a little less.

0-FIN-0

Based on a true story, occurring to me within the past two hours. Yes, I'm afraid of roaches. Call me a sissy, a wimp, a girl, or a pansy. I don't care. Roaches terrify me. They're so…creepy! And invincible. Like a god-complex.

In the middle of typing Sora's apology, I spotted the bug up from under my bed and on the wall next to me. I screamed bloody murder a few times, and my eye caught _another one_ on the other side of the room. My room is near spotless, I just live near lots of trees—their natural habitats. After screaming several more times, I watched them run (one _flew off my wall _*shoots self in head*) away, and I woke my dad up (3:40 AM) to kill them. He didn't succeed and was explainably pissed. In fact, one just darted under my bed.

I feel the need to explain that if I could kill them I would; I've currently got a no-walking-under-any-circumstances cast on, and I can't get the laptob to the living room with the walker. So I'm stuck. And terrified. And _tired_. Ugh. Sorry to rant to you. Thanks for reading my little freak out turned fanfiction.

On a final note, anyone catch the ER reference? Is it obvious what episode I was watching when this was born?

As for mistakes—it's four thirty, people. I haven't slept in 24 hours. I'm drugged. Cut me some slack, will you?


End file.
